Therapy for Individuals, Couples, and Intimate Relationship partners in Arizona and Missouri.
You didn't stop loving each other. Your nervous systems tried to protect you.
Midlife couples therapy, for healing deep attachment trauma, and reclaiming intimacy when hormonal and bodily shifts disturb your bond. During times of perimenopause your body can feel as if it's under attack. Together, we will bring your body back to a place of safety.
Does this sound familiar?
Maybe you're reading this at 2 AM, awake again, lying next to someone who feels a thousand miles away.
You live like roommates. Polite, busy, and lonely.
Small things set off a rage you don't recognize, and afterward you feel ashamed.
Your partner feels far away and hard to reach.
You have a hard time understanding your body and needs, let alone letting them know how you feel.
Your partner walks on eggshells, or you do.
Your body feels unfamiliar: the sleepless nights, the racing heart, the heat.
Intimacy has gone quiet, become painful, or feels like one more thing you're failing at.
You are not broken, and neither is your relationship. Something real is happening, in your body and between you.
Why midlife can shake even a strong bond
Perimenopause, and other midlife changes, can lower your stress tolerance almost overnight. Sleep changes. Your heart races for no clear reason. Many people describe feeling like their emotional armor has worn through.
When your nervous system is that exhausted, old wounds rise to the surface. Long-buried fears of being left, of not being enough, or of being alone can suddenly feel urgent and present. A partner's sigh or distracted silence can land like a threat to your survival.
Then the cycle starts. One of you pushes harder for connection. The other shuts down to stay safe. Both of you end up hurt, and both of you end up alone.
Attachment trauma: the wound underneath
Attachment trauma forms early, when the people meant to keep you safe were unpredictable, absent, frightening, or needed you to take care of them. As a child, you survived by watching closely, needing less, or holding on harder.
Those strategies may have worked for decades. However, midlife exhaustion can strip them away, and that original fear comes rushing back. That's why the reaction often feels so much bigger than the moment. It isn't really about the dishes or the tone of voice. It's an old wound asking to finally be healed.
How I work: four parts of one healing
The Body — calming your nervous system. Drawing on Somatic Experiencing training, we slow conflict down to the speed of your body. You'll learn to notice the earliest signals of threat and help each other settle, physically and emotionally.
The Wound — healing what midlife uncovered. We gently touch the old attachment fears that burnout has exposed and integrate them, so they stop running your relationship from the shadows.
The Bond — rebuilding security. Using Emotionally Focused Therapy, we map the pursue-and-withdraw cycle, soften the resentment and icy silence, and help you reach for each other with what you truly need.
The Intimacy — rediscovering closeness. When your body has changed, the old ways of connecting may not fit. As a Certified Sex Therapist, I help couples let go of rigid expectations and build closeness that feels safe, comfortable, and good again, at your own pace.
Who I work with
Midlife couples and partners, in monogamous and consensually non-monogamous relationships, who feel shaken by this season of life. That includes high-conflict couples, couples living like roommates, and partners carrying attachment trauma. Many are also working with a physician, pelvic floor therapist, or individual trauma therapist, and I collaborate closely with them.
Begin
You don't need the right words yet.
A free 10-minute call is enough to see whether we're a good fit.
Online across Arizona and Missouri · Intensives in person in Show Low, AZ