Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy

You're not fighting about the dishes. You're fighting about whether you matter.

Most couples who come to me aren't short on love. They've just stopped speaking the same language. One partner pushes for connection, the other pulls back to keep the peace, and both end up lonely in the same house.

Emotionally Focused Therapy is one of the most researched approaches to couples therapy. It helps partners see the pattern that's hurting them, understand the fears underneath it, and turn back toward each other.

Does this sound familiar?

  • The same argument, on repeat, with different topics

  • One of you criticizes, the other goes silent

  • You feel lonely even when you're together

  • Conversations about feelings end in defensiveness

  • You've tried communication tips and they fall apart under stress

  • You're wondering if you've grown too far apart

How EFT works

EFT treats the cycle as the problem, not either partner. We map how your fights actually unfold: who reaches, who retreats, and what each of you is protecting.

Then we go underneath. Anger often covers hurt. Withdrawal often covers fear of failing. When partners see the softer feelings behind the armor, the whole relationship shifts. From there, we create new moments of reaching and responding that build real security.

I'm trained in EFT through the Externship level and combine it with Somatic Experiencing, so we work with your nervous systems, not just your words. I'm also trained in the Gottman Method through Level 2 and bring in practical tools when they help.

The three stages of EFT

  1. Slow the cycle. Name the pattern and stop blaming each other for it.

  2. Reach and respond. Share what's underneath and learn to answer each other's needs.

  3. Build it to last. Solve old problems from a new place of safety, and keep it going on your own.

Frequently asked questions

How long does EFT take? Many couples see real change within a few months of weekly sessions. For faster progress, I offer 3-day couples intensives.

Does EFT work for high-conflict couples? Yes. I work well with emotional intensity. EFT is also used after affairs and betrayal.

Do you work with all relationship types? Yes. All identities and relationship structures are welcome, including consensually non-monogamous relationships.

Ready to speak the same language again? Book a free 10-minute consultation. You belong here.

Sessions online across Arizona and Missouri, and in person in Show Low, in the White Mountains.